FPQ: Rediscovering My Joys

Fandango’s Provocative Question this week encourages us to look inward, at ourselves. Fandango writes: I saw this question on a site that offers up a bunch of “deep, philosophical” questions and this one intrigued me. It’s about evolution, but not in the context of Darwin’s evolution of the species. It’s more about evolution of the individual and about who you are and how you change over time. Here’s this week’s question, which is essentially about you. I hope you’ll have fun with it.

Is the concept of “you” continuous or does the past “you” continually fade into the present and future “you”? (Yes, it’s both.)  Considering that your body, your mind, and your memories are changing over time, what part of “you” sticks around? (My essence, my soul, my identity).

Now that I’ve answered both questions in brief, I will expand, as I am wont to do!

I once had a revelation about myself that I told my daughter: You may have changed a great deal since childhood, but whatever you were good at and interested in when you were 10 will come back around when you are an adult. Cee’s On the Hunt for Joy challenge has a theme related to this: rediscovering your childhood joys.

For me, it was art (I drew and doodled incessantly) , languages (I fell in love with Spanish in 5th grade), cultures (I was fascinated by the pictures in my parents’ National Geographic magazines), cats (I have always had one as a pet, except when my son had allergies growing up), and writing (I wrote many stories and even a short novel when I was a kid).

This is one of my more recent drawings – it’s a combination of drawing and watercolor. First, I chose a photograph I had taken. Then I drew it freehand with black pigment liner. Then I used watercolor pencils for the color and background.
Another of my obsessions – cats. This is the best cat drawing I have done, but not the only or most recent one!

Another art form I love is photography, as any reader of my blog knows. I first started taking pictures with a Brownie black & white camera when I was about 10.

I took these photos of my friends with my Brownie camera in 1966!

In high school, I bought an Olympus SLR and got “serious” about photography. It helped that I had a boyfriend who was a photographer, and he taught me how to develop my black and white pictures. Later I installed my own mini darkroom in the second bathroom of an apartment I lived in in college.

In my late teens and early adulthood, for years I tried to become something that I couldn’t become – a musician (I’m not very talented in music, much as I love it), a best-selling author (I don’t have the discipline), a counselor (I have trouble giving advice on the spot) – and then I dreamed of being something that I could become, but didn’t: a linguist, an anthropologist, a translator at the United Nations – and finally became something I’d thought about in childhood but never thought I could become: a teacher. One of my sisters was a great teacher and she was very patient. I have never been patient.

I wasn’t actually a great teacher. I was, in fact, mediocre as a classroom teacher, and kept losing classroom teaching jobs. I was better at being a “pull-out” resource teacher (teaching ESL and bilingual literacy to smaller groups of students who came to me during their classroom’s literacy time). I was better at this because I didn’t have to worry about 10 things at once and didn’t have to keep track of 20+ kids at the same time. I also love languages and was very passionate about language acquisition and a strong advocate for bilingual education. So that job (where I spent more years and was happy) utilized more of my strengths: using Spanish every day, teaching English as a second language, enthusiasm about learning, working with students, doing creative holiday projects and writing projects with them.

I started a paper recycling club at my school one year, and this is me receiving an award worth $200 for the paper recycling we did. The money was used for the school’s club fund. I have always been passionate about environmental issues.

On the other hand, classroom teaching emphasized my weaknesses – midway through my teaching career, I found out I have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder). This is not a good thing to have if you are a teacher but at least I knew it wasn’t because I was a failure – at discipline, executive functioning, at remembering to send in my attendance every morning, at trying but never succeeding at being organized. This diagnosis helped me become more accepting of who I am and not ashamed of what I am not.

Now I’m happily retired and doing the things I used to spend hours doing when I was a kid: drawing, writing, learning foreign languages, pursuing intellectual interests such as politics, international affairs, and traveling (I didn’t do these last few much as a kid, although I have fond memories of family trips and I never avoided controversial topics with my parents, which didn’t always work out very well). I love other cultures and seeing new things.

Here I am with my cousins in Tanzania in 2018 (that’s me in the light colored shirt) – we are about to learn a traditional dance in a Maasai village.

These interests have always been a part of me, even though I have evolved a great deal in my journey of self-discovery. I’m not so hard on myself as I used to be. Finding out about having ADHD was a revelation about my entire life – why it was hard for me to make new friends, why I daydreamed so much, why I talked out of turn in school, why I was a “slow reader” (I wasn’t slow – I just got distracted so that by the time I had finished a page, I couldn’t remember what I’d read and had to go back and read it again), and why I was constantly losing things.

Besides the self-discovery that comes with maturity, I look back at my life and sometimes feel I really haven’t changed that much. I’m still me. I sometimes think I’m still that girl I was in high school. I still have the same soul, which I will have until my dying day. I carry buried memories and emotions of the last 68 years in my brain, but I can’t remember what I ate for lunch yesterday, because that doesn’t matter. I have a good life – everything I need and much of what I want. I’ve been lucky, I know that and I am grateful.

Psalm 8 and natural disasters

 

OKtornado2013There is a passage in Leviticus that says something about how God did not have a hand in the natural disasters that happened, but rather appeared in the calmness, the stillness that followed. Last week, our pastor made a connection in his message about Psalm 8 to the recent devastating tornadoes in Oklahoma.

Psalm 8 psalm8

King James Version (KJV)

O Lord, our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! who hast set thy glory above the heavens.

Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger.

When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained;

What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?

For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour.

Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of thy hands;thou hast put all things under his feet:

All sheep and oxen, yea, and the beasts of the field;

The fowl of the air, and the fish of the sea, and whatsoever passeth through the paths of the seas.

O Lord our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth!

Some people, particularly fundamentalists, seem to forget the Leviticus passage, and say that God makes natural disasters happen in order to “punish” humanity (or some portion of it). I expect there are more than a few such believers in the area of Oklahoma ravaged by the recent E4-E5 tornadoes! another-tornado-hits-oklahoma-250x250

Our pastor started by saying that insurance companies have a clause in their policies for “acts of God”. But is a tornado an act of God or a force of nature? He said to answer this question, “Don’t ask a theologian or a philosopher, ask a poet.”

I do not believe in a vengeful God that controls absolutely everything that happens to each one of us, like a puppeteer. We were made in His image, as the psalm says: He created us to be “a little lower than the angels”, that is, nearly worthy of heaven, and entrusts us to be the engineers of our own lives. Natural disasters are forces of nature, created by certain atmospheric conditions which may or may not be affected by human activities. Natural disasters have always been part of life on Earth. It is what we do in their wake that matters.

Psalm 8 proclaims the glory and honor of God in nature. We also have glory and honor in us, as the psalm says, that he trusts us to have “dominion” over his creation. We need to distinguish between “dominion” and “domination.” Dominion means that we are entrusted with its (Earth’s) care, not that we should dominate and exploit it. To have dominion is to be in charge of or responsible for something. According to this psalm, humankind is God’s partner in the care of natural resources and all creatures. As we respect God and God respects us, so should we respect our planetary home and all living things, and show our gratitude to both God and the Earth for the beauty and bounties our home has provided for us.

A disaster such as a tornado is not an act of God, but rather an event in which there is an opportunity to find the acts of God in the aftermath: this is when God makes himself known. The presence of God can be felt in the peace and calmness when the tornado has passed, the quiet in which people can emerge from their hiding places, in which they realize with relief and gratitude that they and the loved ones that they have been sheltering are alive. It is a time when people who have lost homes or loved ones are comforted by others. God is there when those who have compassion – neighbors as well as complete strangers – come to help those in need. God is there in the resolve and determination of those affected by the disaster to pick up the pieces and rebuild. God is there in the community as it rebuilds, or with those who decide to leave.

A post circulating on Facebook asks whether insurance companies or government intervention should give money to the victims of an area repeatedly plagued by natural disasters. How many times should there be compensation for those who continue to live there? The problem is, where should those people go? There is some kind of disaster – natural or manmade – everywhere, and that place is their home. How much money, then, should be given to refugees to relocate in a place that is different and unknown for them, and where they may have no family? In my opinion, what should be done is to provide the community with the resources to build more protective shelters, in schools, in community centers, and in homes. What kind of materials are more tornado-resistant that could be used to build homes and other buildings? Perhaps there are none that are practical for that purpose.

On the other hand, there are storm chasers who drive toward and into tornadoes in order to study them, and in fact, three were killed recently doing that. By collecting data that helps scientists to understand the exact nature of tornadoes and the conditions under which they form, these storms can be predicted more accurately and sooner, giving people more time to evacuate. God has given us the intelligence, the capacity to analyze the forces of nature to better understand them. Should we try to control them? No, but we can lessen their impact by lessening those activities which help create superstorms. Tornadoes and hurricanes are natural occurrences, but the alteration of our atmosphere due to pollutants may have increased their size and frequency. This is where God is: in the effort to understand our world in order to help those who live here. 

earth

Peru 2008: Discoveries in Urubamba and the train ride to Aguas Calientes

June 28, 2008

We checked out of our hotel this morning, after separating what we would need for an overnight in Aguas Calientes, the town that serves the tourist industry of Machu Picchu. Most of our luggage would be loaded on a bus and driven to Cusco by Victor, where it would be left waiting for us at our hotel there.

I was feeling extremely tired today, after having had to get up several times to go to the bathroom. I think I was dehydrated: a combination of not wearing a hat and drinking too much alcohol (the sugar and alcohol cause your body to lose water, not retain it), and perhaps the unusual food we’d had for dinner, although I doubt that was much of a factor. Maybe just the hectic pace of the day had caused me to get overly fatigued and thus unable to combat some of the other assaults on my body!

Being in somewhat of a bad mood, however, I also blamed (and maybe legitimately so) the fact that I’d had to sit in the back of the bus yesterday. It’s always bumpier in the back of the bus. I started thinking about the people who always sat in the front. I remembered reading that we were supposed to rotate seats on a regular basis, but human nature finds comfort in arranging oneself in a particular place and sticking to it. I made sure I didn’t linger over breakfast in order to find a seat in the front of the bus this time.

Before taking the train to Machu Picchu, we were going to have a few “discoveries” as Boris always calls them (an OAT term, I think) in Urubamba. We’d been to the town before, of course, to visit the school, Pablo Seminario’s studio and the home-hosted dinner, but we had not really seen the town. The bus dropped us off at the central square, Plaza de Armas, where we saw a large crowd of people gathered.

I climbed the steps up to the Cathedral to get a better view of the square. Someone was talking through a loudspeaker to the crowd of local citizens on bicycles, some dressed in native, colorful ponchos and hats, and others in modern clothes. Most were men and boys, but there were also some young women among them. I guessed they were having a bike race, but it was really a rally.

  Posted signs made the purpose of it clear:

“There are those who cross the forest and only see wood for the fire.”

“Friend, use your bike so you don’t contaminate the environment.”

It was a conservation awareness rally! I wondered if these people were going to clean up the trash along the way, which our rafting guide had mentioned the day before – I had noticed a lot of plastic bags and other trash caught in bushes and tree branches and he said that local citizens were going to clean up the trash this weekend, as they do periodically. Today was Saturday!

Behind the gathered bicyclists were waiting police for crowd control, as well as a line of “taxis cholos” – carriages mounted on 3-wheeled bicycles.

However, we were going to take a different alternate method of transportation, perhaps a bit ironically considering the purpose of the bike rally: we walked into another street where a line of motorcycle taxis waited for us. Similar to the “cholo” taxis, they have carriage bodies mounted on motorcycles; only the latter are open with a bench for two to sit on. The driver sits in front on the motorcycle seats. This was the first time I had ever ridden on even the semblance of a motorcycle!

We were paired up and Jayme and I ended up sitting together. Off we roared through the streets of Urubamba; unlike Ollantaytambo, these streets were paved and less picturesque.

We were dropped off in front of a small semi-enclosed plaza. There was a small group of people gathered at the far end near some arches, listening to a man standing in the middle. Probably some kind of workers’ meeting, I deduced.

We crossed a small bridge over a wide aqueduct and down another street to the entrance of a cemetery.

I recalled other Latin American cemeteries I’d visited – fascinating, and definitely different for Americans who are used to cemeteries with the dead buried underneath expanses of green lawn. I imagined Peruvian cemeteries would be similar to those elsewhere in Latin America – people buried in large cement mausoleums, with a picture of the deceased attached to the headstone (as in Brazil) and offerings of flowers and a variety of objects placed on or around the grave, as in Cuba.

However, this was a little different. People are buried above ground in cement mausoleums, but they generally do not display pictures of the deceased. Most interesting are the decorations and offerings at the graves.

Often at American cemeteries, I have seen a few graves with flower pots, some with wilted flowers, but here almost every grave has a vase of fresh flowers. People here seem to be diligent in their visits to their dead loved ones. Another innovation here are what I dubbed “apartment buildings for the deceased” – large concrete blocks containing eight or more vaults, each niche filled with flowers, decorations, or other offerings to the dead. Some are bare, either because no one has purchased that spot yet, the family of the deceased has not yet had the name and dates of their loved one painted or engraved on yet, or cannot afford to do anything with it.

However, the above ground graves are all from families of middle and upper class families. The poorest members of society who cannot afford to purchase a space in a mausoleum are buried in a separate section of the cemetery, UNDERGROUND, with crosses or small tombstones to mark their graves. These are not as pretty as our cemetery – the graves are delineated as mounds and are covered mainly with the sandy, rocky soil common to this region. However, these dead have dedicated loved ones, too, many of the graves decorated with vases or other colorful tokens. There are also flowering bushes and cacti planted among the graves.

(A week later I would make a connection of this burial custom when we visited the funerary ruins of Sillustani, near Lake Titicaca. The royalty were buried in funerary towers, commoners just above ground level, and the servants of the buried lords underground. The higher up you were buried, the higher your socio-economic status).

We walked up and down the aisles, looking at different tombs. Particularly poignant was someone who had recently brought their loved one, named “Trinidad”, a large bouquet of hearts decorated with red ribbons and stars encased in a plastic bag, and a pink basket with a monogrammed handkerchief  folded over a round wicker rim. Rose bushes were planted in front of the grave, which was set inside a block of four vaults. A lover who died too soon? A tragedy on someone’s wedding day? Or a beloved daughter who died in her youth? I imagined writing a sad story about this and took a picture to remember it. Respectfully, of course.

Boris pointed out the most fascinating grave of all. He was telling us that some people decorate the niche of the deceased’s vault with objects that have to do with their life or profession.

“Can you guess what this person did for a living?” he asked us, pointing to a niche that contained an elaborate arrangement of objects.

The back of the niche was painted blue with the deceased’s name written in a semi-circle across the top “Hon. Hquiles…Trujillo”. Underneath were painted a brown Christian cross and a card hand of 4 Aces. Underneath were placed a miniature table, stools, a plate of food, a plastic bottle of pink Kola Real, a miniature clay cooking stove with two clay pots on top, one filled with dirt (probably meant to represent soup or potatoes) and – here’s the giveaway – a miniature frog game! These objects were all reflected in the mirrors placed on the side walls and floor of the niche.

Someone exclaimed, “Oh – a tavern owner!”

“That’s right,” Boris confirmed.

Soon after that, we left the cemetery and walked to our bus, which began our journey to the train station. Along the way, we had another discovery: an ancient Inca bridge whose foundations are still in place. The stone supporting pillars of one section stand in the middle of the river and next to it is a complete section of the bridge, with supports holding two sections of suspension rods and wooden slats across it. On the other side of the bridge are elaborate terraces with steps up the side to a wall extending some distance above the river.

Inca terraces & bridge foundation

Inca terraces & bridge foundation

Bridge with Inca foundations

Bridge with Inca foundations

We got out to take a few pictures, then were on our way again. We were all given train tickets and told we had to sit in the seat assigned to us.

On the train, I was seated next to George, which was OK with me, but once we got going, he got up and moved around a lot, taking pictures out the window. During the one and a half hour train ride, there was some beautiful scenery to be seen, including snow-capped mountains as we ascended one range and descended into a valley beyond it. Raw00444 Raw00448 Raw00455 Raw00427 ??????????????????????????????

Machu Picchu is actually lower than most of the Sacred Valley sites we’d been visiting. Ollantaytambo is 9,100 feet (2,800 meters) above sea level, while Machu Picchu is only at about 8,500 feet.

On the train we were also served a “snack” which turned out to be quite substantial: a roll with butter, a small sandwich and a passion fruit pastry. The box it came in had a decorative dried flower held on by a round golden sticker, which I peeled off and stuck on the page of the small agenda I always carry with me, under today’s date.

Next: Machu Picchu Day 1